And the Exact Method I Used!
Today, I wanted to speak on relationships. Both with others and most importantly with ourselves. I believe it is absolutely essential to deepen the relationship with yourself before you can attract your dream person. I have experienced this in so many examples within my own life and I have seen it in friends, clients and countless others.
If you’ve been following me for a few years, you’ve probably only seen me happy and in love when it comes to my relationship, but I wasn’t always so lucky…
Just two months before I met my husband, I had just gotten out of a terrible relationship. It was a horrible experience and really affected my relationship with myself too. As I always do when life is hard, I did a deep dive into self-care and self-love and learned some incredibly valuable lessons. I wanted to share them with you today!
Using the method below, in just two months I met him.
The most perfect man I had always dreamed of and I wanted to share exactly how I did it:
1. Look in the mirror
First I had a long hard look at myself, who I was and how I felt about myself. I made a conscious and intentional effort to give love to myself wherever possible. I treated myself to a massage after work. I took myself on dates to museums and parks. I watched sunsets, made delicious home cooked meals and ate them by candlelight. And most importantly I began implementing Mirror Work to my morning routine. Mirror Work, though it felt silly at first, created profound shifts in my self-esteem and confidence. (This is what was the catalyst for the Mirror Meditation in the Beauty Essentials).
I also read these two books;
‘Attached’ - To learn about my attachment styles. I found that I was most likely ‘trauma bonding’ in previous relationships and learned how to see that for what it was.
‘The 5 Love Languages’ - To learn how I needed to be loved and how to love others in the way they need it. I realized that I was not the type of person that would even attract my dream partner… yet.
‘Mirror Meditation’ - Dr Tara Well Has done some incredible research around Mirror Meditation. I read her book and was really inspired to use it in my own practices and I really can’t speak highly enough of it.
2. Unblock Your Limiting Beliefs
These beliefs could be something like, “I can’t be successful in my career and also have a relationship”. Or, “If I love them, they will hurt me.” These beliefs are holding you back from love, it’s important to release them.
So many came up for me when I read those books and especially when I did the mirror work! I became acutely aware of how critical I was to myself. For a while, every time I caught myself being critical or limiting, I journaled on it. If I couldn’t in the moment, I would just write the thought down in my notes and got to it later. Writing these critical thoughts and limiting beliefs out as statements was really powerful for me. I then wrote counter affirmations and said them out loud. Whenever I could, I consciously replaced those thoughts with the new affirmations, whenever they came up again. This caused my brain to create new and positive neural pathways around aspects of myself I was struggling with and aspects of my life that I didn’t like.
I used this technique, along with gratitude practice and EFT Tapping to work through them.
3. Visualize
Then I wrote down exactly what it would be like to live my life with my dream person. I scrapped the physical and career based lists and decided that the universe knows better than me. I wrote a journal entry in past tense as if I had just spent the most amazing day with my perfect, ideal partner. The key to this is to be as detailed as you can. When you’re finished read it out loud and really FEEL into what it feels like to already have that, then close your eyes and mentally order that from the universe. Then let it go and live your life as if they are just around the corner.
4. Love yourself
This was the most important step for me. It was also the most fulfilling!
Once I had done the work, I began to completely let go of needing to meet anyone at all. I was content with my life, I loved myself and I was getting all of the happiness I needed from my work and my friends. I fell in love with my life as it was because I was doing so much work on limiting beliefs and cultivating self love.
This looks like; Doing all the things you’ve always wanted to do, taking the trip with your friends or by yourself, treating yourself and enjoying every day. If you can feel happy and content in your current reality, especially when practicing gratitude, you will easily call in even more abundance and… of course, love.
Just two months after I started the work, I found William, my now husband of nearly five years.
The funny thing was, I had met him nearly five years earlier. He had been messaging me whenever he was in my hometown and things would always get in the way of us connecting. The truth was, we weren’t ready for each other. We both had work to do and we definitely both did it the hard way and I wish I knew this information and method 5 years earlier. But it was well worth it and I think it all happened perfectly looking back.
If you’re currently looking for love or struggling in any way like I was, I really hope that helped!